Looking forward

I ran. I walked. I cried. I finished.

That sums up my experience at the Cherry Blossom Ten Mile yesterday. And I honestly don't want to expand upon it further.  My body and I are not speaking to each other right now and while some ART this morning helped, I'm not sure when I plan to run again. The track beckons me tomorrow morning, and with a half marathon just 5 weeks away I can't afford to be missing workouts. Classic impasse.

Having a series of painful runs in a row makes me nervous to put one foot in front of the other. Right now the advice I've been given involves ice and stretching. More ART on Saturday. No specific mention of rest. I wish I had more to say but I'm still in a bit of a funk, running and otherwise.

On a happier note, my sister and brother-in-law both ran Cherry Blossom as well and rocked it! They are also running the same half marathon in May. Even though we don't stick together on race courses, it is good to know that you've got family with you. I definitely think that it has brought us closer and I look forward to more races together.

A big thank you to my Tough Chik team for the words of understanding and encouragement in relation to my race experience. It helps to know I'm not the only one who has had a bad race and that it is possible to learn from it and bounce back even better. I hope to have a happier post for you soon. Keep your fingers crossed for me. 

Lastly, congrats to all all my CAR teammates for their great performances and PRs yesterday!




The Q word

Honestly, it was probably inevitable.

The workout started fine. Cold, but fine. 800m warmup, plans for 6-8 800s with 400m recovery. The warm up was fine, and the drills and strides before the first 800 were okay too. By the end of the first 800, however, something wasn't right.  I was three seconds off my target pace, which isn't bad for the first interval. The problem was that I already felt tired. My turnover was poor, I couldn't engage my hamstrings, and my shins were aching.

The second and third repeats were each an additional 2-3 seconds slower then the one before it and the shin pain was worse. I'd had a tough run the morning before but I was trying to convince myself that it was because I'd taken four days off in a row and am struggling to get back into a routine.  And that is part of the truth. But the real culprit, at least for now, is my damn shoes. My beloved Kinvaras. As soon as I put my new pair on last week, they didn't feel right. Not like the prior pair, which I loved and ran MCM in.

These didn't hug my arch and had no cushioning. I had similar calf and shin pain last week when I ran in them but I thought it was a lack of stretching or being out of shape or anything else. I just didn't want to have to return my pretty pretty shoes. It looks like I have no choice, especially once Coach George basically told me they were a piece of crap.  Not that it mattered, because I was already upset about QUITTING on the workout. So I wandered up and down the final 100 meters of track, crying about being fat, slow, and a quitter. Usually I can leave my shit on the track and power through, but not today.


All in all a pretty bad start to my morning. I'm going to return the shoes tonight on my way home, going back to my old Triumphs. I'm not sure what I'll race in on Sunday, my old dead Kinvaras or new Triumphs. I like a little time to get comfortable in a new pair of shoes before I race in them, so it is a tough call. Although to be honest, I won't really be racing this Sunday. I'm in no shape to do more than treat it as a long run and practice for the 1/2 I have coming up in 5 weeks. I just want it to be over with and I hate going into a race with that feeling. Being under-trained sucks, especially when it is no one's fault but your own.

I'm going to go back to eating my feelings now. You may carry on with the rest of your day. Thanks for stopping by. Obviously, advice and words of encouragement are always welcome. Oh! And thanks to Cris and others on the track this morning for their kind words as I trudged along. It was much appreciated.

The Wildebeast is back!

I know, I owe you a race report on the Rock and Roll Half Marathon Relay. Bite me. I'll get to it, I promise.

Today is a somewhat auspicious day in my little running world. Why? Because I dragged my ass back to the track after a 5 month absence. You heard me. Hello, CAR, did you miss me? I'm not sure the track missed me as it decided to thunder, lightning, and pour rain about 10 minutes into the workout. However, we runners are of hearty stock and kept on trucking.


Today's workout (for the newbies like myself) was 2x1200 with a 600 recovery jog and 4x400 with a 200 recovery jog.  I don't mind 1200s, although I like 800s and 400s better. I'm not sure if it was my lack of enthusiasm or my prolonged absence but my times weren't that great. I hovered between 6:30 and 6:50. Although I did lose 10 seconds on one because my damn shoe came untied. Regardless, that makes for somewhere between an 8:40 and 9:10 mile. My 5k PR pace is 7:55 so...yeah. Not great.

The 400s were a happier story to tell, hitting 1:52, 1:50, 1:48, and 1:49. I felt great after I was done, despite the icky feeling in my shins that tells me my shoes are toast. I was honestly a bundle of nerves when I left the house this morning for this workout, so having a positive experience was key. I know that two weeks of track workouts isn't going to make a dent in my Cherry Blossom performance coming up on April 1st but I have bigger fish to fry.


That brings me to what many of you have probably been looking forward to hearing. I think I found my motivation to run. After what seemed like weeks on end, motivation has come back home and I have Tuan to thank for it. He sent out an email on Sunday night to our team with a great story about a fellow teammate's journey to a marathon PR at RnR over the weekend. It wasn't all wine and roses, rather it was a reminder of what it really takes to achieve your goals. The hard parts and the ugly parts and the I want to quit parts are all in there with the good stuff.


I've been beating myself up a bit lately about the race schedule I made for myself this year and how because of my recent slothness would probably need to change it or accept mediocre performances. Tuan's email reminded me that there are a few goals of mine that are still quite achievable this year if I'm willing to put on my big girl knickers and get down to business. One of those is the elusive sub-2 half marathon. I emailed Tuan right away and threw down the gauntlet: can I do this? His immediate response was YES, but...with the but being all the hard work that I'm scared to do.


I need to go back to the track.  I need to run more than 3 days a week. I need to push past comfortable into the unknown. I'm going in search of my potential, something that terrifies me to the core. I am scared to find out what I'm capable of, in the event that the answer is "not much." Anyone who knows me knows how hard I am on myself and how driven I am by fear. With Tuan's confidence buoying me, my mind started to think that fear needs to get an asskicking.


At this point it was after 11 pm on Sunday and I needed to get up the following morning at 6 to run with Anne but sleep was nowhere in sight. Lights out, under the covers, mind furiously racing. What was a girl to do? Duh, whip out the credit card (or in my case, just memorize the damn number), grab the iPhone, go to the CAR website, and really put my money where my mouth is. Yup, it is officially official. No more lurking, I am now a member of the Capital Area Runners. Let's all high five!


I didn't sleep a wink, I was buzzing with so much energy. The run the next morning was a real mess, but I kinda didn't care. I was just happy to get my butt out there and get moving. Honestly, my brain never computed that run at all and instead was obsessing over what the track workout was going to be like this morning with all the usual CAR gazelles. Yes, this is where the wildebeest reference comes in. Right now, and possibly until forever, I lack the graceful and effortless stride that I see from so many of my teammates. It can be a real confidence killer, unless you can comes to terms with your ability, in that moment. And right now I'm the wildebeest, crashing around the track. Welcome home.

Three Things Thursday

Or we could call this post "peeking out from under my rock."  Either way, here we go.

1) GOTR coaching is going pretty well. We've only had two practices so far and I really like the group of girls that we have. There are only 10 of them and 4 of us coaches, so I think we have excellent crowd control. I led practice today, for the first time, and I was really nervous. It went pretty smoothly and the girls were all smiles, so I'll call that a win. I'm looking forward to when we get into more of a groove with the coaching and creating closer bonds with the girls. I got my first little 3rd grader hug today and it just melted my heart. We definitely have some athletes in our group and I hope they inspire the other girls to keep on trying. Come race day it might be hard for me to keep up!

2) Have I been running? Wha? Huh? Well, sort of. I did 5 miles the Saturday before last with my sister and BIL. The pace was definitely slow but what I needed to get through it. And...then I didn't run again until last night. Oy my training is a hot mess. I have Rock and Roll DC this weekend, but just the 1/2 marathon relay, so I'm only slightly scared to do it. Bigger demons are looming, with Cherry Blossom about 3 weeks away and my next 1/2 just 7 weeks away. The sooner I get back into a groove, the better. I'm making some significant life changes right now and I'm hoping that my training and motivation will be one of the first things to be impacted. I definitely miss the excitement I felt at the end of last year into early this year, thinking about my crazy race schedule and the related time goals I wanted to hit. Right now I mostly feel fear but I'm working on it.
 
3) Don't let me handle your finances. Between a few band gigs and some concert tickets I sold, I had some cash burning a hole in my pocket. Credit card payment,  you say? Save for the gardaute school you got accepted to for the fall, you say? Sounds too practical. Enter my latest investment. Sigh. She's pretty and not at all my style. But she's mine now. Oops.
 


 Best of luck to everyone racing this weekend and please have a SAFE St Patricks day!

She runs!

I could also have titled this post " My body tells me no" but then the song gets stuck in my head. I slipped out of my funk for about an hour on Sunday morning and went for a run with my marathon coach, Tuan. If I hadn't scheduled the run days earlier, there is no way I would have actually gone. Right now accountability is everything and being held accountable only to myself is not working.

We decided to meet up at our usual spot at the Marina and head out. I assumed we'd keep it simple since I hadn't run more than 4 miles in one shot all year. Nope, not a chance. Apparently the Georgetown loop was on the docket for the run, a familiar 6.2 miles from training days. That distance just sounded so...long. I know that I wouldn't have been able to do it alone, the quitter in me is quite strong these days.

I'd had my second session of ART the day before and was hoping that my leg nice and loose for the experience.  Not so much. I'm just plain out of shape. We took the run very slow and steady, I certainly didn't bother using my watch. My right hamstring and hip began bothering me after the first mile and was fairly constant for the rest of the run. Two days later, I am still sore. On the upside, the weather was beautiful and the conversation kept my mind off of how difficult it felt.

Technically, training for my next 1/2 started 10 days ago. Oops. I need to get on that. This week is a full one but if I manage my time properly (HA) I could get a trip or two to the gym in there. I'm also running with the family on Saturday morning and hoping that takes care of the mileage on my 1/2 schedule.  In other running news, the 1/2 relay is less than a month away and I'm getting pretty nervous. My original goal is no longer achievable because of my lack of training, so I need to come up with a new one. I don't know yet which leg of the relay I am running; I should probably get that squared away.

I was also able to finally score a bib for Cherry Blossom and will be running that with my sister and brother-in-law.  I'm hoping to improve on last year's time but we'll see. I think I'll have a better idea of where my fitness is once this relay is over. If anyone would like to throw out some reasonable goals for me work towards in the next month or so, I'd love to hear them. Again, the accountability factor. I'd feel like a total ass if I had to report on here that I let you all down.

Until next time, run safe and train smart. Much love!

Randomness

For better or worse, I have nothing new to report in the world of Pam. For all of you that have reached out here and on Facebook with your support, thank you. I can't tell you how much it means to me. Most of what I am experiencing right now feels very lonely, and I easily forget how many caring people are out there, rooting for me and ready to help if I'd only ask for it. Right now the most I can do it dip a toe in the water. As soon as that changes and I get braver or stronger, you'll be the first to know.

In the meantime, here is a belated chain post. I was tagged in this a few times in the last month or so but never got around to do anything about it. The gist was to post 11 random things about yourself, answer 11 questions from the tagger's post, then create 11 new questions and tag more people. Well, we all know I'm a lazy one, so there will be no new questions and new tagging. Just enjoy the random facts about me and feel free to chime in about yourself in the comments.

11 Random Things About Me:

1. I just took my first CrossFit class on Saturday at CrossFit Adapation in Arlington. It is exactly as scary as you think.
2. I'm looking into hiring a life coach. No, Seriously. At this point, what do I have to lose?
3. I just joined Pinterest and I don't know why. Someone tell me the point.
4. Less then 30 days until the half marathon relay and my longest run in a month was 3 miles. Hmm.
5. I really want a bib for the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler. PLEASE!
6. I am not giving up anything for Lent this year. In fact, I wish the reverse was allowed and you needed to take on something for the duration.
7. Aside from my childhood, this is the longest I've ever lived in one place. VA, has it really been that long?
8. Even at age 31, my mom is usually my first call when something goes wrong.
9. I need structure and routine. Change, no matter how positive, is always disruptive for me.
10. I find it easy to make friends, but letting people in and keeping them close is another story.
11. Fear is my biggest weakness. I miss out on so much because of it.

1. What type of shoe do you prefer to run in  and why?
I prefer to run in Saucony, and right now my shoe of choice is the Kinvara 2. I love Saucony's wide toe box and the cushioning, even in the more minimal shoe.
2.  Salty or Sweet? Favorite snack?
As far as snacks go, I generally go for the salty. But there are times when I need a little of both for balance. Yesterday that meant a square of dark chocolate with caramel and sea salt.
3. Why do you run?
Why do I run? Wow. I ask myself that question a lot these days. Or, why did I used to run? I like the friendships that you make with every passing mile. I like pushing past "I can't." Sometimes breaking through a mental wall on a run gives me hope that I can break through walls in other areas of my life.
4.  If you could only take 3 items with you on an island what would it be and why?
Hmmm......I think I'd need my journal, the cats (I'm counting them as 1), and my best girl.
5.  Favorite website(s)?
I wouldn't call them my favorite websites, but the ones I check the most are Facebook, Gmail, and my Blogger Dashboard. Boring, I know.

6.  Do you having a running mantra and if so what is it?
I have a few mantras, it depends on what I'm experiencing or what point of the run I've reached. One that I use often near the end or when the miles just feel hard is "find your edge."
7.  Are your currently reading anything  (other than this) and if so what?
I'm in the middle of several books right now, but I wouldn't say that any of them have me hooked. I'm more likely to finish reading the most recent issue of Competitor magazine that I got from my new chiropractor over the weekend. 
8. Do you run with music, if so whats your favorite tune to run to?
I don't run with music, even on the treadmill. I have headphone issues at the gym and when I'm outside it is a personal safety issue. I do make a running playlist that I'll listen to before a race to get pumped up but that is constantly changing as new songs come out and old ones lose their meaning.
9. What inspires you?
I think I walk a fine line between the things that inspire me and the things that hold me back. Depending on my mood, fellow bloggers successes can get me super pumped to take my training to the next level or cause me to feel like I should just give up. It is all in my head. For sure, one thing that inspires me 100% of the time is watching the Ironman Kona coverage on television.
10.  If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
I think I'd have to play it fairly safe and say that I want to go to Italy. There are so many places in the world that I'd love to see and explore but right now living my own version of "Eat" from Eat Pray Love sounds perfect.
11.  Do you have a favorite clothing item that you like to run in?
My favorite item of clothing to run in are a pair of Nike Dri-Fit shorts that my ex bought for me on Ebay. Hands down the best pair of shorts I've ever run in and for the life of me I can't find additional pairs anywhere.