This post has been half-drafted for a week now, and since I'm currently on my couch with a nasty cold it seems like the perfect time to pull it all together.
2015 continues to be a wild ride for my body, my training, and how I want those things to contribute to my career and my life. I would be lying if I said I was handling it well all of the time. Some days I am happy to embrace what I can do and others I don't want to do what I CAN do because it isn't what I WANT to do.
Running has never been just about becoming fit or trying to be fast. It has been a critical part of my self-care and stress management toolbox. Being injured not only ups the stress level in my life, but it also removes the main way I cope with stress. Double whammy. Now that I have the opportunity to start training again, I've lost a crucial component. MOJO.
From early January into February of this year, I was GAME ON. 100% committed to training and nutrition. To everything I needed to do in order to crush that next big thing. Until I couldn't train. Setback after setback, fast forward to now. How do I get that mindset back? That commitment? As I've been rolling this all around in my head, I read a post from elite Oiselle athlete Stephanie Bruce. Discussing her return to the starting line, she says:
"Sometimes you can want something so badly and take all the right steps to get there but it's not meant to be. Getting there however is where we learn who we are and what we're made of. Sometimes it's not so much the race we're training for but about our journeys to get to the starting line. It's about giving ourselves the chance to line up with sweaty palms, quivering legs and stare down the open road ahead which holds so much possibility."
That goal is still out there. I think I still want it. I think I'm just discouraged because it hasn't come together the way I wanted it to. I owe it to everyone who has endured my less-than-charming personality when I haven't been able to train. I owe it to myself. As Stephanie says, it might not turn out how I hope. But I need to find out what I'm made of. Create mojo where none exists just yet. But how?