Owning who you are

Hi there! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas (and/or another holiday you celebrate). This post was 99% written a week ago and today seems as good a time as any to post it. Hopefully...

This has been lingering in the back of my mind for a while and smacks me in the face each time I see the singlet hanging up in my closet. I kept thinking I had a good reason not to officially say anything, but I really didn't. 

Yeah, you might not consider the badge on the blog subtle. But, it isn’t the same as a post saying “Hey everyone! I’m part of this amazing group of runners, most of whom happen to be wicked fast and in shape and win/place in races but I’m neither of those things, just chubby and injured and slow.” Part of me doesn’t want to embarrass the brand. And part of me doesn’t want to embarrass myself. I get that “other people” chatter going in my head. “SHE’S associated with Oiselle?” following by mocking laughter while they run away on their 7 minute mile recovery runs.

But…right now my readership seems to be my sister and MS, so….yeah. Plus, chubby injured and slow IS the runner I am right now.  That isn’t the runner I WANT to be, nor is it the runner I have the POTENTIAL to be.  I haven’t worn the singlet in a race yet, partly because of the “I’m injured, I can participate but not race” thing and partly because I don’t want to post what chubby looks like in team gear. I am torn between being (gently) honest with who I am (and the many runners out there who might identify with that) OR continuing to leave this part of my running life out of the picture because I harbor the belief that I’d be embarrassing  poorly representing the Oiselle brand/exposing myself to internet ridicule (you know, for all 2 of my readers ;)).

However, becoming a part of The Flock involved no vetting. I didn’t have to run X:00 miles or win X number of races. There are several other team aspects of the brand that are specific to runners who can do those things. In my case, all I needed a passion for running, a love for the brand, and a desire to share both with as many people as possible. DONE.

Bottom line, the issue isn’t the imaginary “other people” or the Internet. The issue is how I see myself and the value judgments I place on what I see. So, what do I do about that? I’m not sure. For now, this is what I do know. Being a runner isn’t static. Being an athlete isn’t static. Being a human being is NOT static. Yes, I am the runner/athlete/human I am right now. But that isn’t the same runner/athlete/human I was two years ago. And I bet another two months from now I won’t be the same yet again. Not better, not worse, just different. 

So please allow me to introduce…myself. Flock runner. Head up, wings out. 

Turkey Trot report and good news!

I feel like I phoned that last update in, guys and gals. Sorry about that. I wanted to get something up because there was much to talk about but my brain wasn't interested in been thoughtful or creative. My apologies. Here is the overdue report on the Pete Keyes Turkey Trot 5 Mile Run. I hesitate to call it a race report because I was not racing, not even close. I had been in PT for a month at this point and technically this distance was well out of reach for where my body was. It was important to me to be able to join the rest of my family at the race and I had a very clear action plan (okayed by my PT) in my head for race morning.

Normally the family treks an hour or so away from the house in NY to a local 5k turkey trot, but the addition of my nephew makes staying close to home a priority (especially when you need to leave said toddler with Grandma who is also trying to cook the Thanksgiving feast). Enter the Pete Keyes Run. It was super close to the house and it was a longer run for a killer reg fee of just $20 (long sleeve tech shirt too!).  Put on by the Triple Cities Running Club, the proceeds of this race go towards scholarships for high school runners in the triple cities area. Aside from the proximity to my house, I also loved that it was held at Otsinengo Park. I have ran in that park many times while still living in the area, so I know it well. Added bonus: the course is entirely inside the park so I didn't have to worry about wayward cars and the like.

So, race plan. It was pretty simple, logistically speaking, but the execution was a guaranteed shot to the ego. Warm up: walking briskly for about 5 minutes to get the blood flowing. Stretch those pesky calves. Once the race starts, take it easy. Snail-through-molasses easy. Walk as needed, and stop if the pain level in the Achilles or hamstring hits a 2 on the 1 to 10 scale. Yes, a 2. After the race, however far I get, do all the stretching and foam rolling I've been doing for the last month. Simple? Yes. Frustrating? You betcha. The most helpful thing was having my family there. My father, my sister, my brother-in-law and MS all ran as well. They reminded me that it was just great to be out here at all, that I’d been injured, that it was temporary, and that running smart today would pay off big tomorrow. Not that I’d say it to their faces, but they were right.

The race had a little bit of a late start, which irked me only because the temperature was in the low 20’s with wind and snow flurries, not to mention the 8 or so inches of snow that fell overnight. I wanted to get moving if for no other reason than to feel warm. Glad to finally be going, I started my Garmin (pace display covered with tape) and tried to settle in. The pavement was wet but not slick, they did a great job of keeping the course clear. I had that “I’m going to finish last” feeling, but for the first time it seemed like a real possibility. I’m not going to lie, the first mile was rough. My leg had been aching for the past few days, especially during the 7 hour car trip up from VA. I was trying to focus on the form tips given to by my PT and calm myself down.

I haven’t been sedentary since I started PT, but the elliptical and spinning alone haven’t kept my cardio level where I would like it to be and I felt it. I took a minute walk break somewhere around the end of the first mile, more to pull my head together than anything else. I wasn't experiencing much, if any, discomfort yet so I forged ahead. MS has been down for the count with a wicked case of PF, so I had (miserable) company along the way. Between mile 2 and 2.5, I started to stress again. It was taking forever and realizing I wasn't halfway yet didn't help. I haven’t had a DNF yet in my running career, and while it may be unavoidable I did not want it to happen today.

After the first mile and a half, the course becomes an out and back. Although it meant I knew exactly how much I had left to run, it also let me see the lead runners coming back and cheer on my family as they came by. Looking for people you know during a race is a good distraction if you are not having the best day. Other than that, I tried to focus on a specific form tip and the fact that I got to be out there in the first place. I don’t have to run, I get to. And on the morning of a day devoted to being with loved ones, surrounded by the incredibly beautiful sites along the trail. Pristine snow on the ground, tree branches draped in white, flurries coming down and landing on my tongue. Who in their right mind could be unhappy?

Like any good race, there was a short but steep hill within the last ½ mile. I knew it was there and I tried to maintain effort and form on the way up and over. Crowd support has appeared now, and it was greatly appreciated. I heard my Dad yelling for me and it was exactly what I needed. I didn't have a kick at all, but I tried to push a little harder because feeling strong at the finish is important to me. The time was what it was and I decided right there to let it go. I finished. I was not in pain. That’s a win in my book.

Because the race was small, the only pictures I've seen were of local race club members, not of all participants. We did snap a quick picture before the start (someone is clearly freezing).

No one was interested in lingering post-race so we piled into the cars and headed home (after a brief stop for coffee and donuts as per tradition). I stretched and rolled like a good PT patient, then showered and got ready to embrace the holiday. If I was sore later, fine (I wasn't).  I’m so relieved that it went the way it did and I’m looking forward to more runs as PT progresses.

I was going to wrap this up with a request for good thoughts as I waited to hear back on my application to be a Nuun Ambassador for 2015. As luck would have it, I didn't need to wait any longer. Behold:

Hello, We are so happy to welcome you to the Nuun family! You have been selected to represent Nuun in all of the amazing areas in which you live, work, play, and compete in. This year we have restructured the program a bit and we're excited that you been accepted as a Nuun Ambassador within our program!

I am beyond excited (if the Facebook and Twitter posts didn't bear that out already).  I've got another post ready to go, you'll see that later today or this weekend. Early Merry Christmas!

A quick PT update

I meant to have this up before the Thanksgiving holiday but that obviously didn't work out. How I used to blog almost every day back in 2011 is beyond me. At any rate, here is a status report on physical therapy. I have been going to see Christine at the EAC twice a week since my analysis was done back in October. I put my full trust in her, our appointments at the clinic, and the exercises I did at home every day. The Monday before Thanksgiving, November 24th, was the first reassessment and I was hoping that I'd be far enough long to participate in a turkey trot with my family on Thanksgiving Day.

Our normal routine is for me to hop up on the table and give Christine an update on things have been since the previous appointment while she pokes and probes and stretches and rubs. In addition to that she did a few tests on certain areas in order to compare the results to my initial analysis. I was able to resist more to her pressure and had improvements on degrees of motion. I was also re-tested on single leg calf raises and single leg hops. NO PAIN. That was not the case during the analysis. For me, lack of pain is huge. I have been used to sitting, standing, walking, and running with some level of pain for so long that it had become the norm. No, I wasn't running. But something that used to hurt no longer did. I was pumped, to say the least.

She put me through a series of exercises that we've done in the past and aside from muscle soreness from doing the work, I was still pain-free. My sessions at home on the elliptical have also become increasingly easier, and I am confident that it is direct result of physical therapy. Christine told me to enjoy the turkey trot with my family, get in a sold warm-up, and be smart. I had no problem committing to taking it easy, focusing on my form changes during the run, and being willing to pull the plug if I reached a 2 on the pain scale. I was also hoping that the joy of being with my family and having running shoes on my feet would carry me through.

So...this post is going up a week into December. How did the race go? Stayed tuned :)

Time

This might not be necessary, but given what I've read on other blogs and how I feel about what I've read, I wanted to have this here.

For runners, time is a fickle lady. We race to hit a certain time. We train to hit certain times based on the workout. We compare our times to friends, strangers, and our favorite professional athletes. We rejoice when we meet or exceed a desired time. We sulk when we don’t. We might even sulk when we see that our fancy new PR pales in comparison to what a friend did in the same race at her “recovery pace.” Time might even convince that we are a “good” or “bad” runner. Even worse, that we are a “good” or “bad” person.

And this is where the disclaimer comes in. I’ll come right out and say that I am guilty of everything I mentioned above. Comparing, valuing, and devaluing. All of it. Never more so than these past 6-8 months as I've been injured and unable to get proper treatment. I look at my PRs, gathering dust and thinking that athlete is gone. Races ask for a current time in order to assign your corral and I am clueless.

This is something that I am working hard on. I am really trying to treat each workout individually and stick to the prescribed timing based on my current ability. Not the ability I used to have or wish I had. I try not to think about what my friends on Daily Mile or Garmin Connect when they see my latest update. And because my friends rock, I know they aren’t thinking any of the disparaging things I project them saying in my head.

I think that the most difficult aspect of fully embracing this “my race my pace” mentality derives from the social nature of running. Runners, especially female runners, rely on each other for support in so many ways. But as we tend to do in other arenas, we easily sink into the comparison trap. We mentally compare training loads, weekly mileage, race times, training times, and so much more.

I've been blessed to be a part of a group of women who actively work to rise above that (I’m looking at you, Team Tough Chik). I know they have made me a better runner and a better running friend. So, long story short, here is my disclaimer:

My times on this blog are mine. They are a reflection of my current level of fitness and/or the amount of effort I put into each workout (which is not always 100%, or even close). If I categorize something as slow or fast, I am speaking only as it compares to me, my ability, and what I hope to extract from this body. It is NOT a passive-aggressive value judgment on any reader, friend, or stranger. I may bemoan a particular run as crap but if you just knocked out that same run at the same or slower pace and that was KICKASS for you, then ROCK ON. Seriously, that is awesome. If you smashed that workout fast than me, KUDOS. Don’t be afraid to own that too. A mile is a mile is a mile and we should all be grateful that we get to go out and log them. So please, do your best to refrain from comments comparing me to you, you to me, me to Kara Goucher (aside from our obvious abs resemblance), et cetera.

I’m just here to share my running experience and I hope to learn from yours.

Run with a grateful heart. Thank you. 

Go-To Gear

I love all of the following things and use them on the regular. I was not asked by any of these companies to post this, I gain nothing from making this page other than the chance that someone tries something here and loves it as much as I do! In no particular order, here are my favorite things to eat, drink, run in, and otherwise enjoy this running life!

Oh my goodness do I love Larabars! Limited, real ingredients and delicious flavors. My favorite flavors are Cashew Cookie, Blueberry Muffin, Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip, and the sensational Pecan Pie.

Great flavors that aren't in your face, with or without that jolt of caffeine. Hands down, Grape is my favorite. It was the first one I tried and I never looked back. Cherry-Limeade also rocks my socks and I keep a tube of All Day at my office to get my hydration on.

I am 100% a protein snob. I admit it and I'm not ashamed. I have tried so many brands, blends, and sources. I prefer plant-based options for a number of reasons and Vega's Choc-A-Lot hits it out of the park. I blend a scoop with cold almond milk and whatever frozen fruit is in the freezer (mango and pineapple are amazing options!). Delicious and doesn't put a huge dent in my wallet.

I credit my local specialty running store with introducing me to Oiselle's running apparel. I am slowly but surely replacing my running wardrobe with Oiselle items. I've got a wish list of things I hope they make soon, but in the meantime two of my most-worn pieces are the Lesko bra and the Flyte short sleeve. The quality is top notch and the brand concept is wonderful. Don't get me started on the squealing that may have happened when I heard that they brought my girl-crush Kara on board.



This list is the tip of the iceberg. We haven't gotten to shoes, technology, health tools and such. Am I missing something? Do you have a favorite that I need to try? Let me hear it!

On being an emotional athlete

I want to kick off today’s post with a quote from one of my favorite elite runners:  

"We don’t always get what we want.  Sometimes we work so hard, only to stumble. But our hard work is not lost. The work we do happened and although we may not have been able to show it on the day we hoped, it will be realized later on. " Kara Goucher, post-NYC Marathon 2014.

A lot has been said, and continues to be said, about Kara’s emotional nature and her unconventional re-entry into elite racing. Her tearful interview immediately following a difficult NYC Marathon showing either broke your heart or made you squirm in your seat. Personally, I found it refreshing. Athletes are human beings, not robots, and not products being churned out by a sponsor. I am glad that I don’t get the same canned response normally seen during a post-race interview. 

I appreciate her honesty and I think it makes her more approachable to fans and fellow athletes. If being emotional about your life’s passion is a weakness, then I feel for all those who just put their head down and run. I don’t see their commitment as clearly. I don’t feel their anxiety, joy, or disappointment. We as fans of the sport love to see joy following triumph. But sadness after a dream denied? Move long. 

If sponsors want fans to buy their shit engage with and root for their newest darling particular athlete, the first thing they should be concerned with is showing us that they are human beings. I don’t want to hear the finish places of their previous 5 races this year. I want to hear about the work they have been putting in when no one but their coach is watching. The missteps and the imperfections along the way. That is what makes me care about the outcome of your race today and the races you aspire to run in the future. None of us is foolish enough to believe the path to the start line was sunshine and rainbows.

It wouldn't surprise me if someone out there disagrees with me. It is, after all, only my opinion. The opinion of a back of the pack runner who won’t stand on a podium or qualify for certain race entries. Perhaps that means I am not aware of proper elite athlete behavior. Or what a sponsor or coach prefers is said or not said. But in a time of almost unfettered access to anyone through social media, it is getting increasingly harder for athletes to remain separated from the sport and its followers.

Unfortunately, I only need to spend five minutes watching SportsCenter to get the latest in athletes behaving badly. I’d rather spend those five minutes watching Kara or Rinny or Meb laugh, cry, and generally share with me what that race felt like in that moment. I think we can relate to those race moments on some level and have that “me too” feeling. Whether it was the urge to walk or cry or quit, runners of all levels have been there and I find it comforting to know that it happens to the best of us, not just the “meh” of us. I carry that with me on the trail, in the gym, and at the physical therapy clinic. Highs and lows, joys and sorrows. Me too. 

Who I Run 4

I want to introduce you to someone very close to my heart. Someone who gets me out on the road or on the bike or in the pool. She is all kinds of sweet and spunky, and she is who I Run 4. I don't remember who exactly shared this incredible group with me, but I am very grateful that they did. I Run 4 matches runners with someone who has a disease or disability (and their siblings!) and they share (through the team Facebook page, emails, texts, letters, packages, etc.) the highs and lows of training and the highs and lows of living with special needs. The runner also has the opportunity to raise awareness on behalf of their buddy and in the process encourage more families and runners to join.

A little over a year ago I was lucky enough to be matched with a little firecracker that I call Bug. Bug is 4 years old and has cerebral palsy. She is also a big sister who loves going to school and kicks major butt in her therapies. Bug's Mom keeps me updated on Bug through Facebook, text, and email and I keep Bug updated on our training. She races with me and climbs mountains with me. I am beyond grateful that Bug's family is so welcoming and supportive and I hope they know how big a part of my live their little Bug is. I've been privileged to witness milestones in Bug's life and I love introducing her to my friends, family, and co-workers. Yup, Bug even hangs out at my office. She'll be getting a lot of face time on this blog and I thought she deserved her own page here so you can get to know her and love her like I do!

Here are some of my favorite pictures of my girl!

Racing with me at the Seneca Creek trail 5k

Being adorable!

Us at the top of Old Rag

Loving her Daddy!

Checking out her Cherry Blossom 10 Miler medal

For more information on I Run 4, please go here. To educate yourself on cerebral palsy and how you can help find a cure, please go here and here.